Big Penis … I Can Has!
No one believes me when I say that I feel like my name has been scribbled on every women’s bathroom stall in the Midwestern city where I currently reside. Seriously, my penis has a better reputation than myself, and it is mostly due to one woman … the Horse in a Wig! HiaW has spent the past 2 years telling anyone that would listen about how lovely my cock is and that no woman should ever pass up the opportunity to sleep with me. I am not sure why so many women listen to her, but FFS it has definitely made my sex life a tad more interesting.
It has been so long since my initial encounter with HiaW that I can’t honestly remember exactly how it started. I do remember that she was dating a local DJ that I thought was a complete twat, so I will assume that it all started with some sort of sick desire on my part to humiliate him. Yes, at times, I do fuck women for the sole purpose of humiliating them or their boyfriends. A phrase that you will often hear me repeat is “People make the greatest toys!” Say it with me. Its like a mantra! PEOPLE MAKE THE GREATEST TOYS! Her boyfriend was a local radio personality/DJ that desperately wanted to be respected in the city’s underground dance music community. He would show up at parties and tell the promoter that he would play their shows for free as if any of the local DJs in the scene were getting paid at all. When I heard the jackass proclaim Darude’s “Sandstorm” as a monumental dance music record, I immediately knew that he must be clowned on!
A few weeks later I was hanging out (ie. drinking heavily) at a local nightclub that had recently opened and was introduced to a woman that turned out to be his girlfriend of the past several months. For being 32 she looked decent clothed, except for the terrible ass bangs she sported like it was … fuck, I don’t even know when bangs on women were considered cool. Oddly enough, HiaW already knew all about me and the beef with me and her twat-of-a-boyfriend, so the pieces of a nice little spite-fuck were already in place.
HiaW is a real piece of work. This woman was 32 and worked at some pottery gallery helping little kids make piece of shit ashtrays for their parents. She had a 9 year old daughter that she claimed had never met the father (by the mother’s choice). The story behind her getting pregnant sounded more like her raping the guy than consensual sex. Bitch even claimed that she was blackmailing her ex boyfriend into paying for her apartment and car! Not only was this woman prime for spite-fucking to piss of her boyfriend, but she was also ripe and begging to be degraded and properly used as a cum receptacle
A friend of mine from DC was staying with me over the July 4th holiday weekend because I was hosting multiple shows and needed his help. I used that weekend as my chance to pounce and stir up some shit. I would tell my recent ex that I was going out with him, and then as soon as we got done drinking, I would leave and head to HiaW’s apartment. I would typically be exceptionally drunk on my way to her place. Once I got there, I would never say more than a few words and would proceed to fuck her in every position that I could muster in my intoxicated state. Upon orgasm, I would immediately roll over, put on my clothes and leave … unless I ended up passing out in her bed, but even then I would leave before the sun rose. One morning I was late leaving her apartment, and her troll of a child caught me on my way out the front door and tried to speak to me. God that was a frightening experience. I didn’t want the little accident to think that I was her new daddy, because lord knows that with the frequency with which her mother brought home new guys, she probably had a terrible time keeping her father figures straight.
This pattern went on for a couple of weeks until I was bored and ready to rub it in the face of DJ Douchebag. I’m not sure how it all ended up coming out … I have drank too much in the past 2 years to really care, but I do remember having DJ DB chasing me all over the city trying to kick my ass for fucking his bitch. To make it even better, I had HiaW chasing me all over town trying to convince me to date the dumb bitch.
It all finally came to a head when she started threatening to inform my recent ex that I was considering reconciling with. I ended up telling the bitch to go fuck herself and refused to speak to her ever again. Even when I saw her in public, I would simply talk around her and ignore her presence. That in and of itself provided several months of entertainment.
To the dumb bitch’s credit, she has consistently proclaimed me to be the best sexual partner she has ever had for the past 2 years. Whenever speaking of me, she makes sure to inform women that despite all of my arrogance and bastardly ways I am a wonderful lover and have an amazing penis. That reputation has stuck with me ever since then. This past weekend, a woman in her 30s (that will be addressed in a later post) made advances on me based upon HiaW’s recommendation.
Even though I think you are a piece of shit Horse in a Wig, THANK YOU and this blog is dedicated to you!
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